what a friend

I know I haven't blogged in a long time, and I'm really sleepy so this isn't going to be much at all.

We sang this hymn at church today and it really got me thinking. The very first verse says "All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer" and I thought, well gee, I pray about the things I struggle with all the time and it just doesn't seem to get much easier. I still struggle with those things and I still fall flat on my face just as often, so how come God's not helping me? And then God said, "but HOW are you praying?" I realized that my prayers are generally me asking God what I can do to fix the problem. What do I need to do about this thing? What do I need to do to overcome this temptation? What do I need to do to get better in this area of my life? How come I screwed up again? How can I discipline myself to bear this thing? I'm constantly asking Him those kinds of questions and constantly thinking about ways to "be better" when I really need to be asking Him to change my heart. I need to pray that He'll liberate me from the chains that bind me, not that He'll teach me how to liberate myself.. Ya know? I think that's often a misconception that a lot of Christians have today. We treat God like a teacher and a guide, but rarely as our surgeon. We want God to tell us how to fix our problems, but we don't want Him to actually do the work in our souls. We want to do it ourselves (or maybe it's just me, who knows?). I mean, imagine if you had a severe heart problem requiring heart surgery and you went to your doctor and asked him to teach you how to perform open heart surgery with the intention of performing it yourself! That's ridiculous, yet it's so often the way we approach God. We want Him to just give us the tools, but we can't give up the control and trust Him to do the work in us.

Anyway, this is just what I was thinking about today. Seems like a pretty simple concept, but sometimes the simplest things are the hardest to put into practice.

Here's the song:

What a Friend We Have in Jesus

What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised Thou wilt all our burdens bear
May we ever, Lord, be bringing all to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright unclouded there will be no need for prayer
Rapture, praise and endless worship will be our sweet portion there.

simplicity? maybe not.

“When you look closely people are so strange & so complicated that they're actually beautiful.”
- Unknown

Simplicity. It's something I've blogged about a lot in the past. I'm always talking about how much I'd like to just live a simple life, how desirable that would be. In the past several days, however, I've been faced with a different way of looking at things.

For my English class we've been reading things from the Enlightenment Period such as Tartuffe, Gulliver's Travels, A Modest Proposal, etc. The Enlightenment Period was basically the time when people were having this great "awakening" and suddenly everything had to deal with reason, rather than faith, beliefs, emotions, or other "unscientific" ways of looking at life. In Gulliver's Travels, Gulliver encounters this interesting race called the Houyhnhnms, which are basically extremely advanced horses (they have their own language and have many of the skills that humans have). However, unlike humans, these horses are led completely by reason. They are 100% reasonable and rational and leave no room for emotions. They only do things that serve a purpose. In fact, one could say that they live a very simple life. No drama (they don't even understand the concept of lying and they never have wars), no complex relationships, no overabundance of possessions, etc. They all have exactly two children (sort of sounds like China) and if one family has two male children, they trade with someone else so that all the couples have exactly one male and one female. When someone dies, they just die. The end. No remorse, no mourning. Nothing. There are no emotions, no nothing.

In "A Modest Proposal," Swift sarcastically proposes eating young children/babies as a method of dealing with overpopulation. Although the entire thing is completely shocking and totally unrealistic, the most absurd part of the entire essay for me was that it actually made sense. I mean, if we had no emotions, no attachments, it would easily be the best solution. Life would be much more simple that way - everyone would have enough to eat, no overcrowding, the rich would have less power over the poor, yadda yadda.

But, in both of these situations, is that really what we'd like life to be like? At first, being reasonable and rational sounds really desirable, but after examining exactly what that entails, I think I'd rather just stick with being illogical sometimes and ruled by my emotions too much.

I went to the nursing home yesterday and visited my grandma and my great-grandpa. Again, I was confronted with an extremely simple life. As I was walking down the halls and looking in the rooms at all those people, it just hit me square in the face. These people are living a very simple life. They don't deal with having too much, they own exactly what they need to get by and that's it. They spend their days relaxing, resting, sleeping, playing cards if they feel well enough, talking to the nurses and each other, etc. They don't have to deal with drama, life is just very simple. But, let me tell you, as I was walking down the halls thinking about this, their life did not look appealing to me at all.

Suddenly, it just hit me. Maybe the whole magic of life is that it's NOT simple. Life is complex. That's exactly what makes it life. That's what makes us human beings. Animals live simple lives, the Houyhnhmns live simple lives, elderly people in rest homes live simple lives, but I don't think I want to live my life like that.

So, maybe, just maybe, all the complexities of life, all the struggles we go through, all the temptations we deal with, all the ways in which we can constantly be improving ourselves, maybe those are what make life what it is. Maybe life really is complicated, and my desire to live a simple life is merely one of the complexities and contradictions of this strange, confusing, yet wonderful thing called life.

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed.
-Albert Einstein

I would rather live in a world where my life is surrounded by mystery than live in a world so small that my mind could comprehend it.
- Harry Emerson Fosdick

The real mystery of life is not a problem to be solved, it is a reality to be experienced.
- J.J. Van der Leeuw

time

>>I spoke at Genesis tonight.. this was what I prepared<<

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
- Matthew 6:19-21

I don't even know how many times I've heard someone say, if you want to know where your heart is, look at your checkbook. And it's true, what we spend the most money on is what we value the most. But, the interesting thing about this translation about this verse is that it says, where your treasure is, not where your money is. So, I want to take this verse in a bit of a different direction. Lately, one of the things that I value the most is my time. I never seem to have enough of it. If I have to sit too long at a redlight I get impatient, if my teacher lets me out of class ten minutes early I'm thrilled. So, rather than thinking about where my money is, I've decided to start taking a look at where my time is. Rather than making a monetary budget that's pleasing to God, I'm going to make a time budget that's pleasing to God.

So, first, I have a little activity to do. Make a list of all the thing that you do during a week. Every single thing from eating breakfast, driving to work, getting ready in the morning, watching tv, working, sleeping, cooking, cleaning, doing homework, running errands, etc. Whatever you do during the day that takes more than half an hour. Then, next to the things that you write down, I want you to write down how much time to spend doing this activity each week. So, for instance, I might write down sleep, and next to that I will wrote down 56, assuming I get 8 hours of sleep a night. Or I wrote down eating, and next to that how much time a week I spend eating my meals. When I did this, I tried to just stick to hour time blocks, but if you need to put in 30 minute time blocks, go ahead and do that. Once you get done, I want you to total all these up and see how many hours that gets you to.

Now, there are 168 hours in a week, so subtract your total from 168 and see what you come up with.

I've done this at different times in my life, and often I would finish totally up everything and still have an awful lot of time left over. It always astounded me that I had THAT much spare time and I couldn't figure out where it went. I did it again this past week and I actually came out to -5 hours spare hours a week, which was definitely not good news. However, it got me thinking about where and how I spend my time and already I've been trying to make some adjustments in my schedule so I can make room for the important things.

So here's what I would say. If you end up having a lot of spare time, then you need to figure out where that spare time goes and then maybe think about something more constructive that you can do with that time. What would God like you to be doing with that spare time? Is there something that you are passionate about that you don't do because you "don't have enough time" or is there something new you would like to try? Do you have some sort of devotional time with God each day? If not, why not? If you don't have any spare time, then maybe you need to look at what you need to cut back on. How are you overextending yourself and what can you do about that? Do you have some sort of devotional time with God already on your list? If not, then what areas do you need to cut back on so that you can make time for that priority?

"Finish your outdoor work and get your fields ready; after that, build your house."
- Proverbs 24:27

When I first read this verse, I thought about buying things on credit. It said to me, make sure your finances are in order before you start spending money on something like a house. Make sure you have your source of income taken care of before you start spending money. However, when I look at it in this context, it reminds me that I need to spend my time on things that will provide a source of profit (and I don't mean financially) before I spend my time on things that benefit me. So, before I decide to sit down and watch an hour of tv, I should be sure that I've spent time with God first, ya know?

In church this morning we talked about Psalm 127, and I particularly think verse 2 relates to this. It says:

"In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat -- for he grants sleep to those he loves."
- Psalm 127:2

This is particularly a message for those of us who have too much scheduled into our "time budget." God doesn't intend for us to be machines.

"Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work -- this is a gift of God."
- Ecclesiastes 5:19

"I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil, this is the gift of God."
- Ecclesiastes 3:12-13

God did not intend for us to be exhausted individuals all the time. He did not make us to be workaholics. He intended for us to take time to enjoy the fruits of our labor. It's a gift from God when we are able to eat, drink, and find satisfaction in our work. So, if you don't have time to do that, you are depriving yourself of a gift from God. However, let me add this too, notice that it says to "be happy in his work" and "find satisfaction in all his toil." These verses are not get out of jail free cards. They don't mean that you can just be a lazy bum and not do anything, because God wants us to enjoy life. Eat, drink and be merry! Yes, he wants us to do those things, but God intends for us to work as well. Read through the book of Proverbs if you don't believe me. Just for example..

"How long will you lie there, you sluggard? When will you get up from your sleep?"
- Proverbs 6:9

Whether you are a workaholic or lazy or anything else.. there's something here for all of us I think.

There's so much than can be dealt with when you talk about time, but let me mention this too.

We're all pretty familiar with the concept of tithing our time, but I heard someone mention once that we should tithe every part of our lives, like our time for instance. With our money, we give the first 10%, but then we also expect that the rest of it goes to things that will be pleasing to God too. Things like food, gas, entertainment, housing, etc, etc. We can apply the same concept to "tithing" our time. We give the first 10% and then we let the rest be pleasing to God too. It's just spent a little differently. But, check this out. 10% of our time seems like a lot doesn't it? There are 168 hours in a week, so 10% of that is 16-17 hours. We have 24 hours in a day, so if we subtract 7-8 hours for sleep.. what do we end up with? 16-17 hours! Seems like tithing our time sounds an awful lot like observing a Sabbath once a week, doesn't it? Even more conveniently, Sunday is the first of our week, so if we just "tithe" the top 10% of our time each week, it would be just like observing the Sabbath. I didn't know that happened before just now. I had just also thought of tithing my time as 10% of each day, but if you look at it on a weekly basis, that's just the kind of "coincidence" that only God can design.

And if that's not enough and you need scriptural backing for that, look at the 4th commandment.

"Observe the Sabbath day by keeping it holy, as the Lord your God has commanded you. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your ox, your donkey or any of your animals, nor the alien within your gates, so that your manservant and maidservant may rest, as you do. Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and that the LORD your God brought you out of there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. Therefore, the LORD your God has commanded you to observe the Sabbath day."
- Deuteronomy 5:12-15

God is very clear here. We are to observe the Sabbath. We are to rest, one day a week. We are to take a break from all of our work and rest. Now, the Israelites, being as confused as they generally were (not that we're any different), began to enforce that law a bit too strictly. When Jesus healed someone on the Sabbath they were furious. They counted their steps to make sure they didn't walk too far and accidentally do "work" on the Sabbath. Jesus picked a grain of wheat while walking through the fields and they got upset. To this, Jesus reminded them..

"Then he said to them, 'The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.'"
- Mark 2:27

Sabbath is a gift from God, not a punishment. So, either way you look at it, I really think taking one day off once a week should be one of our priorities. It doesn't have to be Sunday, but I do think it should be once every seven days. I've heard tons of excuses, but what it comes down to is whether or not you trust God enough to take that day off. That's why that last part is in there about remembering that God brought them out of Egypt. It's reminding them that God is all powerful and that if they are willing to trust Him, He will provide for them and bless their time and allow them to get everything done that they need to get done in only six days a week. It's really hard to get out of that mindset of "do, do, do" that our culture has pushed on us, but that's why it's such a sign of trust.

Really, applying the Biblical principles of money to our time fits really well. We give off the top, and God honors that sacrifice and trust by blessing us richly in return. I remember Dusty saying once how when he was spending a ton of time working at Genesis or something like that, he felt like he had all kinds of time. And Charlie was just reminding me the other night at the Momentum for Life small group that if I honor God by not cheating on the important things (like devotional time with Him), He will bless and multiply my time. And it's true.

For those of you that know me, you know I am terrible at overextending myself, but I have to tell you.. ever since I started taking time off on Sunday, things have gone smoother for me. There has never been a Monday when I didn't have homework done, and I still manage to get everything done that I need to during the week, AND I have the benefit of having an entire day each week to just relax and rest and stuff. It's really a huge blessing and one of the only things that keeps me sane.

So, see if you can arrange things so you can have a Sabbath once a week. It takes a lot of UMPH to get started, but once you do, you'll be glad you did.

The last thing that I really wanted to talk about was what we spend our time doing. Look at your list. What do you spend the most time doing? This sort of goes back to what Brad was talking about this morning. For me, sleep takes up more time than anything else, and then school closely follows that. What do you spend most of your time doing? Is it something you are passionate about? What about this question? What things are you passionate about? Are they on your list? Why not?

I don't really have a lot of answers about things, I mostly just have a lot of questions for you to think about. Only you know where you need to cut back, where you need to spend more time, what you need to change. But, if you are anything like me, analyzing where we spend our time is a very interesting exercise and it really does help you to think about things.

The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.
- Sydney J. Harris

Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering.
- Winnie the Pooh

Rest when you're weary. Refresh and renew yourself, your body, your mind, your spirit. Then get back to work.
- Ralph Marston

“It's possible to forget how alive we really are. We can become dry and tired, just existing, instead of really living. We need to remind ourselves of the juice of life, and make that a habit. Find those places inside that jump for joy, and do things”
- Unknown

“Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.”
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Live and work but do not forget to play, to have fun in life and really enjoy it.
- Eileen Caddy

passions

If you want to build a ship, don't herd people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Well, I guess this must mean it's blog time. Problem is, I'm not really sure what I'm blogging about.

Let's talk about passion. That was the topic of our sermon on Sunday.. life passions and whatnot. So.. I guess the question for me right now is, what are some things, issues, etc that I am passionate about?

I believe very strongly that God and Jesus do not fit into the tiny little box that today's church has tried to put them. God does not belong in a box and He can't be summed up with cute little catch phrases or rules or anything else. God is so much bigger than anything we can ever understand. If you can't find God outside of church, you aren't going to find him in church either. And maybe I should clarify that. If you aren't able to see God in nature, in other people, in the calm quiet moments in your bedroom, in a classroom somewhere, at your job, or in a book or story, yet you think you've found Him in church, I wonder whether you've found God in church or whether you've just found religion in church. Two very different things.

I'm passionate about the just treatment of others. I'm not prone to anger, but one thing that really, really makes me upset is to see the unjust treatment of people around the world. Lately it's been human trafficking, especially for prostitution and other sex acts. I can't even put into words the emotions that I feel erupting inside of me when I think about it, hear about it, or see videos about it. I saw a video where these people were rescuing some young girls (literally ages 14, 15, 16) from brothels, the hurt that I saw in their eyes was just indescribable. I read somewhere that often the people that are utilizing these brothels are American men visiting on business. That makes me even more angry. And then.. I started thinking beyond just human trafficking and brothels in India to prostitution and porn here in the United States. There are people who believe that prostitution in the United States should be legal because women should have the right to do whatever they want with their own bodies... but.. wow. I'm not here to argue about that, but I can be fairly certain that no woman really wants to be a prostitute or a porn star and the fact that men out there continue to support this industry just makes me sick. I hear people joking about porn all the time, and it stings every single time. Because you can get it on the Internet or on a video, often people don't even consider the fact that these are REAL people in these videos. Real people with real emotions. Real people with real problems. I've heard the statistic that 60% (maybe even higher than that) of evangelical men are addicted to porn! Sixty percent of these men who are supposed to be children of God are treating these women like pieces of trash and allowing and perpetuating a cycle of emotional and spiritual trauma in the lives of these women and young girls. It makes me angry.

(And maybe I should add that there are many women out there who also add to this problem as well by portraying themselves as sexual objects in order to feel fulfilled. I could probably rant about this in an entire blog as well, but I'm going to move on.)

I believe that the United States of American is largely consumed by a very dangerous thing called consumerism. I become extremely agitated when I see bits of shows liked Cribs or.. well, actually I can't really think of any others off the top of my head because I don't watch them, but I know there are more. Shows that actually idolize living way beyond your means, or at least way beyond what you need. We ALL have too much stuff. I honestly think I would be happier if I just trashed most of what I owned and went a lived in some cabin in the woods. I think we all would. Often I think back to what life was like 150 years ago and I'm jealous. I really wish I could have lived back then. But then I realize all I imagine about that time period has been romanticized and people were as wicked and sinful then as they are now. It's just different now, that's all. However, I really am bothered by consumerism. 1 Thessalonians 4:11 is one of my life verses.

I'm passionate about learning. About everything. The more you learn and study about the world and people and history and philosophy and anything else.. the better you are able to serve God. Maybe that's because I believe learning about all these things helps you to see God better, I don't know.

I'm passionate about politics. I dislike both major political parties and I certainly think differently about politics than the average Joe, but I still absolutely love politics. It's mostly the abstractness of it all that I enjoy. I love thinking about policies and the continual debate about which is the most effective. I think it's fascinating how politicians manipulate the public. I don't like it, but it really fascinates me. I think it tells you so much about how we think.

And mostly, I'm passionate about seeing other people find their passion. There is nothing more exciting than seeing someone find their God-given passion and living out their life like it matters. I don't care what you do: if you are living your passion, you're bringing glory to God and serving Him.

See here's the thing. I was talking to a pretty amazing person the other day and she said something about not wanting it to be about her, about wanting to serve God with all she's got, without any concern for herself. And I agree. But here's the thing.. What Paul did, I could never do. I know it. It is absolutely not my passion, but you know what? It was his passion. His purpose for being on this planet was to preach the gospel and undergo all sorts of trying and difficult circumstances. Now, I'm not saying that he enjoyed being beaten or put in chains, but those came with the territory, and for him, it was worth it all. He was living the "dream." Paul was effective because he was passionate about what he was doing. (That and he had help from above, duh).

Not to compare what I want to do with what Paul did, because I don't know if I'll ever fulfill my purpose as well as he did, but... I want to be a teacher. There are some people that would absolutely HATE teaching. All the paperwork, extra work after hours, poor pay, lack of appreciation, etc would just be terrible. All they would see when they considered the teaching profession would be spending time locked up all day with hormonal teenagers trying to teach them something they don't care about. They wouldn't see the spark that I see when somebody finally catches on to what you're trying to teach them. They wouldn't see the potential for growth in young minds, they wouldn't see the opportunity to help hundreds of teenagers find their own passion. But I see it, because that's my passion. I want to teach with everything in me, regardless of all the crap that I may have to put up with. No, I won't enjoy the days when the kids are particularly difficult or when I have extra meetings or get yelled at by parents, etc, etc, but it will be worth it. And I don't want to teach because of what it's going to do for me, but rather because I can see what my teaching might be able to do for others.

So, I guess what I'm getting at is that finding your passion isn't exactly about you, but when you find your passion, it's not going to be some awful, terrible thing. You will face hardships, there is no doubt about it. But the hardships won't seem as bad to you as they might to someone else. So finding that thing that creates that spark inside of you isn't a selfish thing. You're just doing what God created you to do.

I hope this very random blog has made some sort of sense. It feels like I started in one direction and sort of veered off another way, but oh well.

Anyway, in conclusion, I'm passionate about a lot of things.

Be passionate. It's okay.

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
- Howard Thurman

simple

Live simply that others might simply live.
- Elizabeth Seaton

So, we've been doing this Advent Conspiracy series at church for Christmas and it's really been awesome. I started to say that it's really gotten me thinking, but really, this is something that I've been thinking about for ages. Today we talked a lot about consumerism and how the American culture worships consumerism and stuff. Did you know that in America we spend around $455 billion on Christmas annually? According to Advent Conspiracy, it will only cost $10 billion to provide get clean water to everyone on the planet. I've seen estimates that it would cost $195 billion a year to end world hunger. Do you see the problem? I am SURE that Jesus is not thrilled that we're celebrating his birthday this way. Can you imagine what would happen if all of America just decided NOT to celebrate Christmas by being such massive consumers and instead decided to do something more worthwhile with our money, like oh, I dunno, end world hunger?

I wish I could adequately express in words how frustrated I am with consumerism in America. God's been taking me on this journey for a while now and the more I hear about it, the more I want to live SIMPLY.

Simple is my new favorite word. I want to live a simple life. I want to love simply. I want to have a simple faith. It really SHOULD just be that easy.

When we went to New Mexico a few years ago.. Wow, I guess it's really only been a little over two years, but it feel like ages ago.. Anywho. When we went to New Mexico to the Indian Reservation, I gained a whole new perspective on stuff and material possessions. I had just come back from Paris about two weeks before that and it was such culture shock to go from one of the fashion capitals of the world to a place where some people still had outhouses and were so incredibly poor. It really put a new perspective on things for me. When I came back, it almost made me sick to see how much stuff I owned and from that point on I've been going through a process of downsizing my possessions. I got rid of a lot of my clothes and books and all sorts of other stuff. Clutter drives me crazy now. Michelle says it's just because I'm OCD and calls me a "clean freak" (which may be partly true), but it at least began because of the principle of the matter.

Then, we went to California this past May and while we were there I just felt so totally bombarded by the Hollywood lifestyle for some reason. When I saw all the stores and how expensive everything was and all the fancy cars that people drove and everything, it really began to frustrate me. I'd already started majorly watching my budget to save for the trip and for France, so maybe that made me more aware of it, I don't know, but either way, it just really frustrated me. When I came back home, it once again made me want to get rid of possessions.

Also, a little before that I read this really awesome book called Serve God, Save the Planet that encouraged people to live frugally rather than squandering the gifts we've been given. We should take care of the planet that we've been given and it talked a lot about how we have too many possessions and stuff. It also talked a lot about being better managers of our time as well.

Then this summer I spent so much of the summer out at the Land with my dad just spending time in the garden, and then later canning and freezing all the vegetables, and I remembered what the simple life is really about. There's not much of anything that's more peaceful than sitting around in a garden pulling weeds or picking fresh vegetables or taking a walk in the woods or looking at the stars at night or baking a squash cake or popping soybeans. Going out there this summer was my escape from all the stress in my life and I really think that was because I was taking my focus off of all the crap and getting back to the basic simplicities of life. It just doesn't get any better than that.

Then of course all this stuff with the economy has gotten me thinking about it all over again. There's a part of me that really thinks that maybe a recession/depression wouldn't be such a bad thing for this country as a whole. Maybe it would get our focus back to what it should be and would teach us not to have such a consumer-driven mindset. However, I know that's easy to say when it's not my job that's about to be lost or my retirement going down the drain, so I try not to say that. But I really do think we're just suffering the consequences of our culture being so materialistic.

And now, here we are doing this Advent Conspiracy thing and it's just, once again, reinforcing the point that life is not about STUFF. There's a switchfoot song called Gone that's occasionally been popping into my head that's about all this stuff. I'm pretty sure I posted it a while ago when I was thinking about all this stuff...

Life is more than money, time was never money
Time was never cash, life is still more than girls
Life is more than hundred dollar bills and roto-tom fills
Life is more than fame and rock and roll and thrills
All the riches of the kings end up in wills
We've got information in the information age
But do we know what life is like outside of our convenient
Lexus cages?

Anyway, this Christmas, think about whether you really NEED all this stuff. Think about ways to give thoughtful gifts rather than just contributing to the mindless consumerism. But, here's the thing. Don't just do it for Christmas. Start thinking more about your daily lifestyle. Where can you cut back? How can you live more simply? And it doesn't have to just be with your money, what about your time? We can overspend our time just as much as we can overspend our money. Don't waste it and don't try to overextend it. Live simply. It won't happen overnight, but even if you're just living more simply than you were yesterday, it's an improvement. I promise that this world would be a better place if only all of us tried to live a little more simply.


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I was looking up quotes about living the simple life and I found about a million that I absolutely love. Check 'em out.

The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.
- Hans Hofmann, Introduction to the Bootstrap, 1993

To poke a wood fire is more solid enjoyment than almost anything else in the world.
- Charles Dudley Warner

Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.
- Confucius

Frugality is one of the most beautiful and joyful words in the English language, and yet one that we are culturally cut off from understanding and enjoying. The consumption society has made us feel that happiness lies in having things, and has failed to teach us the happiness of not having things.
- Elise Boulding

To find the universal elements enough; to find the air and the water exhilarating; to be refreshed by a morning walk or an evening saunter... to be thrilled by the stars at night; to be elated over a bird's nest or a wildflower in spring - these are some of the rewards of the simple life.
- John Burroughs

Maybe a person's time would be as well spent raising food as raising money to buy food.
- Frank A. Clark

Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.
- Lin Yutang

Remember that in giving any reason at all for refusing, you lay some foundation for a future request.
- Arthur Helps, Essays Written in Intervals of Business, 1841

The greatest truths are the simplest: so likewise are the greatest men.
- Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827
(this reminds me of a conversation Amy and Dusty had today, haha)

We don't need to increase our goods nearly as much as we need to scale down our wants. Not wanting something is as good as possessing it.
- Donald Horban

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.
- Dr. Seuss

believe and be satisfied

I don't think words can adequately describe how blessed I feel to have been able to spend the weekend with such an awesome bunch of people. I was humbled to serve with such an amazing team and truly honored to spend time with some fabulous girls.

But enough with all that. :)

One of the greatest honors of this weekend for me was being given the privilege to share my story, my life, my brokenness with the girls when I gave my "Singles" talk. Yes, God has been preparing me to give this talk for years, but when it came time I really wasn't sure I wanted to give it. In fact, when I first sat down to try to work on it, words were not coming to me at all. I really wasn't sure it was going to come together at all. Of course, God came through and I was able to speak from a heart that has been molded by God over the years. What I realized was that by trying to write out word for word what I was going to say, I was going to make it stiff and impersonal and that it would be better to just get up and speak from the heart. I am very passionate on the subject because I've seen so many young girls choosing a relationship with a guy over God. It pains me to know that they are trying to fill a void with something less than God and it hurts even more to see suffering they go through when, after placing all of their hopes and dreams in a single relationship with a guy, it falls apart and they are left even emptier inside. My prayer is that this weekend, God was able to speak through me to these girls to remind them that only He can completely satisfy their every need.

Anyway, I really just wanted to post this poem. Kelsie shared this with me before I gave my talk and it fit so beautifully with what I wanted the girls to understand that I gave a copy to each of them. However, I certainly do not want to keep this to myself, so here it is for all to see. :)

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone-
To have a deep soul relationship with another-
Be loved thoroughly, and exclusively.
But God, to a Christian, says:
I want you to be satisfied, fulfilled, and content
With being loved by Me alone-
With giving yourselves totally and unreservedly to Me-
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship
With me alone.
Discovering that only in me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the best human relationship
That I have planned for you.
I want you to be united with another after you are united with Me-
Exclusive of anyone or anything else,
Exclusive of any other desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning, stop wishing,
And allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing-
One that you cannot imagine.
I want you to have the best-
Please allow Me to bring it to you.
You just keep watching Me, trusting Me-
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am.
Keep listening and learning the things I tell you.
You just wait.
That's all.

Don't be anxious.
Don't worry.
Don't look around at the things
Others have gotten or that I've given them.
Don't look at the things you think you want.
You just keep looking off and up to Me,
Or you'll miss what I want to show you.

And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love
Far more wonderful than any you would dream of.
You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready,
(I am working even at this moment to have both of you ready at the same time),
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with me and the life I prepared for you,
You won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me.
And this is the perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have the most wonderful love.
I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me,
And to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and love
That I offer you with Myself.
Know that I love you utterly.
I am God.
Believe and be satisfied.

– author unknown

always in my heart

Time for a blog!! :)

Well, the wedding is finally over and it was great! I had a fantastic time. I put a bunch of pictures on facebook, and I laughed when I realized my last four or five albums of pictures on facebook have had to do with the wedding. I really had a good time with it though and I'm so glad I got to be a part of it. It was really a blessing in disguise because it sort of got me out of this weird funk that I've been in lately.

Things are settling down a little bit now. I've got the Chrysalis flight next weekend and then after that things are pretty much going to go back to normal, whatever that is. I'm really, really looking forward to this weekend. I know I've been needing it for a while and it really excites me because I know without a doubt that God's gonna do something pretty amazing. But it's weird, because it's not really the normal anticipation that I'm feeling. It's just.. I know that things between God and I haven't exactly been peachy as of late. For that matter, I know that things between me and just about everybody haven't been exactly peachy lately. So, I guess, I know that this weekend, things are going to have to change. I'm going to be spending a lot of time with God and with other people and I'm pretty sure it's going to force me to reevaluate some things.

I miss my friends. A lot. I know most of them (or I guess I should say most of you, since if you're reading this you're probably one of them) probably think I've fallen off the face of the planet or that I've quit caring or whatever. I really hate that. I want so badly to be able to be there for every single person every single time, but I'm really just not capable of it right now. School is incredibly demanding and I don't see that changing any time in the next three years, ha. However, I know that serving God with excellence at school is a vital part of my walk with Him right now. I feel called to dedicate my time to Genesis and helping that ministry grow, and I really feel called to spend time with my family, growing closer to them and developing and fostering better relationships with them while I still can.

These last few weekends spending time with Samantha and the other girls for the wedding have been great and then teaming and stuff has been good too. It's forced me to be around people I love and care about and I have really needed that. I constantly feel guilty about not being there for some friend or the other, and that's a really tough place to be.

I promise you, without a shadow of a doubt, that I still love all of my friends as much as I ever did. Not a day goes by that I don't think about each of them or worry about them or pray for them or wish that I could spend time with them or just plain miss them.

It's almost a curse.. I care about people so much that I almost feel their pain, feel their hurts, feel their loneliness or emptiness, feel their joys, their excitement, their dreams. Mom's told me before that from the time I was a little girl, I've been extremely perceptive of people's emotions around me. It's almost a joke among some of my friends about how I "just know" things, but sometimes that can be just as much of a curse as a blessing. It's so draining to constantly be carrying the burdens of other people; and I know it's not their fault. I can't help it. When I'm around someone, I just automatically want to pick up their burden and carry it, and to an extent, that's a great thing. I love them and that's my way of expressing my love for them - I help carry their load. However, lately, I've had my own load to carry which has made it a little more difficult to help others carry their loads. Sometimes it just seems easier to distance myself than it is to be around someone and worry about not being able to carry their load for them.

I'm not sure this is even making sense...

I'm not really even sure what the point of all of this is... I think the reason I'm struggling writing this right now is that it's very, very hard for me to put into words exactly how much my heart is burdened by knowing that I haven't been able to spend the time with the people I love as much as I'd like to. I wish so badly that there was enough of me to go around all the time. My heart just sort of aches when I think about people who I'm growing distant from or people who I don't get to spend time with enough. And sadly, that list of people keeps growing longer every day. And of course, to top it all off, I keep hearing things where people are talking about how in a relationship, it requires the effort of both people and how much it hurts when one person isn't pulling their weight, etc, etc. Plus, always in the back of my mind is the thought I've always had that we always make time for our priorities.. soo.. if I don't have time for the people I love, does that mean they aren't a priority for me? Or does it just mean that they aren't as high of a priority as the other things going on in my life? And if they're not, shouldn't they be? I certainly want them to be.

Sometimes I feel like the expenditure of my time does not reflect the love and compassion that I have for so many people in my life. But where do you draw the line? How do I make time for all of these people while still fulfilling all the other things that I feel God has called me to?

I guess the important thing that I always come back to is reminding myself that it's not up to me! God does not need me to be able to minister to those people. God can love them just as well without me as He can with me. I am not what is saving those people or making them whole. I may be the vessel through which God chooses to act, but in the end, it's God moving, not me. So what makes me think that I'm something so special that I am single handedly responsible for the state of the souls of all these people? How arrogant and prideful is it of me to really think that my not being in someone's life is enough to harm them forever. God's still there for them, whether I am or not. They don't need ME, they need Jesus.

How freeing that is. How absolutely liberating it is to realize that it's not up to me. When I fully grasp that I'm able to let go, trust God, walk in his footsteps and love people as I feel led, rather than as I feel guilty. Two very different things.

Anyway, I hope this made some slight sense. I'm going to get some sleep now because since we're getting an extra hour of sleep I'd like to take advantage of that! :)

Love to all!



p.s. regardless of how it may appear, this note was really written in general, not about any one or two or three particular friends of mine. this is honestly how i feel things have been between myself and just about everyone in my life lately. but. things are changing. i'm sure of that. :)